When Warren Farrell met John Lennon

Key Markets report for Thursday, 23 April 2026

Today seems like a fine day to take a break from all the ugly “dumpster fires” burning everywhere around the world. For a while now I’ve been tempted to share a beautiful story I came across in Dr. Warren Farrell’s book “Boy Crisis,” which I mentioned here previously, on 13 February (link: The boy crisis: of sons and fathers).

The story was about the chance encounter between Farrell and John Lennon, which Farrell recounted in a section titled, “Can a ‘Real Man’ Transition from Provider-Protector to Nurturer-Connector?” The story’s relevance is that it hopefully helps put stuff of life into a proper perspective.

A casual cocktail encounter

Farrell was attending a reception organized by the Ms. magazine when a man came up to him and asked, “You Warren Farrell?” Farrell had no idea who the man was and Lennon didn’t introduce himself. Instead, he told Farrell: “I joined a men’s group you formed, but never met you ‘cause the guys said you form a lot of groups and leave as soon as they get underway. … A ‘love’em and leave’em guy, eth?”

Farrell began to explain, and Lennon responded that, “Well, I just wanted to tell you the group had a real impact on my life. It led to my decision to raise my son full-time.” Now this got Farrell’s attention and he asked: “Full time? Had you been working?” Lennon responded, “Yeah, 24/7. That’s why I had neglected my first son and lost my wife. I got remarried but I’m still working 24/7.”

The biggest hole in my heart

When Farrell asked Lennon how his group helped, he replied that, “One of the exercises you had taught the group was to go around and have each of the guys discuss ‘The biggest hole in my heart is…’ Well, one of the things that blurted ou tof my mouth was ‘neglecting my son because of my career.”

Another question was, “What would you do if you could do anything you wanted, without having to worry about money?” Lennon’s “fantasy” was, “Take off a few years and raise my kid.” When Farrell asked him, “how long have you been doing this for, “ Lennon said that his son was a year-and-a-half, and Farrell’s next question was, “Is it going well? Are you glad you’re doing this?” Lennon’s reply:

“Warren, raising my son is by far the best decision I’ve ever made in my life. … It’s like I discovered a whole different type of love. I didn’t even know that type of love ever existed. Here and there I had the little glimpses of that which my first son, but never knew what would unfold until I immersed myself.”

“For example?”

“Stuff that I thought would be meaningless - being able to turn his crying into a smile; getting his arm through a sleeve; listening for his first ‘daddy and ‘mommy’ - it all become everything because he was everything. You know Warren, until then I had talked about love, but never what it meant to totally immerse myself in someone else’s well-being with no expectation of getting anything back. Everything follows from that. I never knew what I was missing.”

You’re with a singing group, aren’t you?

Farrell was chatting with Lennon for a while when a young man came to ask for an autograph. Farrell assumed he was asking for his and reached for the pen and paper when the young man said no, he wanted John’s. Embarrassed, Farrell said, “Wow. Sorry, for assuming he meant me. I rarely watch TV. May I ask who are you?” When Lennon said, “I’m John,” Farrell asked, “You’re with a singing group, aren’t you?” When Lennon affirmed, the next question was, “Forgive me, but what’s the name of the group again?”

“The Beatles.” It was only at that point that Farrell realized whom he was talking to: “This ignorant I was not. I felt every cell in my body blush in harmony. I realized I shared his happiness about my ignorance and felt blessed by John’s wisdom to avoid mentioning the Beatles, Yoko, or anything that might have clued me in and triggered my self-consciousness.” Farrell underscored the significance of that encounter:

“To me, John’s decision to be a full-tie dad destroyed the myth that ‘men who can, do; men who can’t become full-time dads.’ Here is a man who had one of the most enviable and successful careers in history, yet swore the best decision of his life was to forfeit his career for half a decade to raise his son. As I reflected on John’s decision, I had two powerful realizations: (1) What John Lennon had discovered was the hidden John Lennon. The John Lennon who earned love discovered the John Lennon who coud be love. (2) Had John attended to his first son, Julian, the way he attended to Sean, we would never have heard of John Lennon.”

What you own, owns you

“It might seem like it was easier for John to leave his career o become a full-time dad because he had money. But that money and success came with its own tangled web of obstacles. John educated me on the levels of legal complexities - and the minefield of egos - required to clean out the emotional and monetary expectations of the other band members and their loved ones, pus a myriad of managers, accountants, and lawyers. And then there was the emotional dependencies of a billion fans, and yes, his own emotional dependency on his fans. John realized he had slid far down the slippery slope of ‘what you own, owns you.”

Having lived in Monaco for over 30 years now, and having met a number of wealthy individuals, I heard this quip that “what you own, owns you,” more than once before, as a realization reflecting an inner conflict between stuff that matters in life and stuff that matters less or doesn’t matter much at all. It’s a conflict that still involves an investment; it may not be an investment with any monetary value, but it is still an investment of energy and time, which will ultimately impacts our quality of life.

Myself, I don’t think I know anyone who consciously decided to pause their careers to raise their children full time. For most people this is not a realistic choice. At the very least, however, “being there” to the maximum extent possible is the choice we all can make every day and I believe few would disagree that nothing is as important as the investment of time and energy in the upbringing of our children.

Incidentally, in Monaco I also had the chance to meet Sean Lennon who was a bit of a regular at “La Rascasse,” the bar that’s more famous as it sits at one of the key turns along the Formula 1 circuit near the port of Monaco. I hung out in the same group a few times as some of my friends were friends with Sean’s friends, but apart for casual banter around the table, I didn’t form a friendship with Sean or any definitive impression about him. For sure, everyone thought he was a nice, unpretentious and normal guy.

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Today’s trading signals

With yesterday’s closing prices we have the following changes for the Key Markets portfolio: